My Wife and Daughter Criticize Me for Being Unreliable at Home

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:40 JST, April 5, 2026

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a man in my 60s and I work at a factory. My daughter, who is in her 30s and lives with me, berates me and says I’m “useless.”

Last year, my wife fractured a bone. Our daughter helped her with the procedures related to getting admitted to a hospital and surgery. She also took care of my wife’s personal needs and did most of the household chores.

Even though my daughter works full time, she went to the hospital on her days off and reduced her working hours. She also ended up working on her days off.

I understand that the burden on my daughter was immense, and she worked hard even though she became unwell due to exhaustion. My wife would call me unreliable and refuse my help.

Since my wife’s injury, I have been cleaning the entrance hall and the bathroom at our home. I also take out the garbage and hang the futons outside every day. However, my daughter does not acknowledge what I do, saying my contributions are “way too small.”

When I asked her to teach me how to do other household chores, she said it would only create more work for her. She said I was too passive and that I showed no initiative or commitment to helping.

How should I face my family and mend our relationship?

Q, Nagano Prefecture

Dear Mr. Q:

Your daughter is a dependable yet strict person. Apparently, it is not uncommon for women to hold more power in the home. However, the fact that your wife and daughter don’t depend on you might be attributed to your past words and actions.

No matter how sincerely you feel that you are helping out around the house, it only looks like a small amount when viewed through the eyes of someone who has been doing those chores every day. It is extremely difficult to repair a relationship within a small and fixed family. You need to be prepared to make a long-term effort.

How about asking your wife and daughter how you can help more around the house? Rather than trying to do everything, agree to do what you are good at or the chores that best fit your situation, such as putting out the garbage before going to work.

You might not be able to match the skills of your wife and daughter, but I think you can find ways to contribute more to the household.

I understand how you feel, but you shouldn’t worry too much about what your daughter thinks of you. Instead, focus more on improving your relationship with your wife, who is your partner.

Keep working on building a trusting relationship with her, and show your appreciation by saying such thing as, “Thank you for always doing the housework.” Tell her about work, listen to her and ask her to go on outings or walks.

It would be great if you two could talk to each other about the future.

Naoki Ogi, education commentator