I Don’t Want to Marry or Have Children, So How Do I Repay My Parents?

The Yomiuri Shimbun

14:40 JST, April 12, 2026

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a female company employee in my early 30s. I’m wondering how I can repay my parents for everything they have done for me.

Recently, I’m increasingly hearing from friends my age that they are getting married or are pregnant. I’m single and am happy with my life. I really want to focus on my career and invest in myself, so I’m not really interested in getting married or having children.

My parents don’t pressure me to get married. However, whenever I see my parents, who have always loved children, talk happily about their friends who have recently had grandchildren, I feel sorry for them. I feel bad that I might not be able to show them I’ve gotten married and started a family.

I express my gratitude to them from time to time through birthday gifts and souvenirs from trips. But I feel it’s not nearly enough compared to the debt of gratitude I owe them for raising me.

I know marriage and grandchildren aren’t the only way to fulfill one’s filial duty, but is there any way to make my parents happy?

B, Kanagawa Prefecture

Dear Ms. B:

What parents wish for their children varies from person to person, but I want to answer your question as a mother of two daughters.

My daughters are more than 10 years older than you, but my feelings for them have grown even deeper than when they were young, and they have become my reason for living. I find it so moving to see how hard they are working to live their lives.

Both of them are married and have children. I’m certainly happy about that, but that’s not what I’m grateful for. It’s because, through their everyday lives, they show me that they are glad to have been born. There is nothing else I could be more grateful for.

You cherish your parents, devote yourself to rewarding work and live each day to the fullest. I believe that is a priceless treasure for your parents.

I don’t think your parents are forcing themselves not to pressure you. Maybe they aren’t pressuring you because they feel they have already received more than enough in return from you.

I don’t think you need to tell your parents how you feel. But if you did, I’m sure they would say the same thing I did.

Masami Ohinata, university president