My Husband Doesn’t Understand How Exhausted I am Taking Care of Our Baby

The Yomiuri Shimbun

13:48 JST, March 29, 2026

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a woman in my early 30s who works at a company. I’m in my second year of marriage, and our baby was born last year.

My husband covers the rent and living expenses, and he also helps with housework while working.

However, when I try to take a short break on the sofa during a lull in caring for our baby, my husband tells me, “Finish what you need to do before you rest.” He likely has chores such as cleaning in mind when he says these kinds of things.

It is true that I haven’t been able to do much housework lately. Still, I try to clean and do what I can when I have the time.

When my husband says things like “You’re always resting,” I cannot help feeling upset. I wonder whether he thinks I’m doing nothing at all.

Taking care of a baby is exhausting, and I want my husband to understand that I need time to rest as well. How can I gain his understanding and create some time for myself?

— L, Chiba Prefecture

Dear Ms. L:

My heart aches for you. When you are utterly worn out from raising a child, it is deeply painful to hear, from someone so important to you, the very words you least want to hear.

Your husband may take strong pride in the fact that he works and helps with housework. But the difficulty of caring for a child is something a person cannot truly grasp unless they face it all day long themselves.

Although it has been quite some time since “ikumen,” fathers who take an active role in parenting, started to become common, there is still a long way to go before many men fully understand just how demanding child-rearing really is.

To begin with, could you try offering your husband a few words acknowledging how hard he is working?

Words of appreciation and gratitude are, in truth, the very words you most wish to hear yourself. I realize this may feel unfair, but I suggest it in the hope that, by offering those words first, you may open the door to a more heartfelt exchange between you as a couple.

Then, when the opportunity arises, try leaving all the childcare to your husband for just one day so that you can secure some time for yourself. If he comes to realize, “This was much harder than I expected. What I have been doing was far from enough,” that awareness may become the first step toward changing his words and actions.

Gaining your husband’s understanding may take time. But as long as you are still willing to keep trying, through trial and error, that itself is proof that love remains.

— Masami Ohinata, university president